JOURNAL # 21

JOURNAL # 21

Save a copy of the peer review (this means DOWNLOADING on your computer) and post it on your PEER REVIEW page.  Copy and paste the address of your PEER REVIEW page for the journal before class on Monday.


5 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 21

  1. Alex Smyth:

    Kristen:

    I like how you mention the two hands of coaching providing your own oar on this idea, but your opening sentence was kinda confusing to follow, also provide an example of a straightforward coach maybe in your artifacts or ted talk.

    You do a great job providing examples and write your own oar with that quote, but try to explain a bit of the quote. Try to provide for background in your quotes.

    I like how you use our first PLT as an example of coaching, but try to quote your first draft and example your process on how Eric and you improved that PLT.

    I like how your provided another example on coaching and explaining the quote while providing your own oar to the conversation, try to do that when editing your second paragraph, overall this I would continue doing when finishing the PLT #2

    Kayla:

    Your intro is really good, You lead into the conversation really well providing your own oar and giving background to who you are going to reference and what you are going to talk about. Overall I would keep this up for your intros

    I like how you use your quotes and transition from one to another without confusing the reader. Just like Kristen said, try to go into a little more depth of where you have been engaged.

    Good use of blending the two ted talks, but try to connect them a little better, I was personal confused reading about Dweck then just hearing Gawande. What makes them similar to each other?

    Good job referencing to your journal to connect your point on coaching as well as provide your own oar to the conversation. I would just explain a little more about Eric being a good coach.

  2. Camryn: I really like how this is going, but I think you should elaborate more maybe on some inner thought process and more details about how that mindset switch happened. Also, try to extend your sentences a little more, they seem to be choppy with little detail in them.
    Just work on expanding and connecting sentences so you do not have these shorter sentences with little detail. Your ideas are great, but try to support your experiences with some of the Dweck piece.

    Franco: I think I would be a good idea to introduce yourself a little first and maybe talk about how coaching has helped you. Then, support it with Gawande’s words
    Go into more detail maybe about how he coached you about yourself, or maybe some inner thoughts at this time in your life if you can remember. Elaborate more on a good coach so when you introduce a new idea it can be in it’s own paragraph.
    Try not to switch your focus so sudden in the middle of a paragraph, it tends to get confusing.

  3. Alex:
    Alex right away makes his claim and you can see what this conversation is gonna lead to. Alex uses strong arguments and quotation to see his argument but he needs to find where hisexperience fits in here with dweck’s talk and what did he realized after dweck’s talk. Have you ever had a time were you where really challenges in some kind of school work and what was that process like? Has your mindset of challenges changed over time. since being at school have you experienced have you used what you’ve learned from dweck talk in your school work or your mindset and has your mindset changed from high school to now?

    Hannah:
    Hannah essay is very good and I am able to see her claim very clearing and know exactly what she is talking about. For your review you have been seeing Eric for tutoring has your view on your work changed. Have been able to take the advice from the tutoring sessions and applied them to your other classes.You make sure to really put your oar into the conversation and show how your view from high school to now about coaching and see how this tutoring has helped you. Make sure to be clear and use examples of how growth mindset fits into this and also fixed mindset. What are both these mindsets and how do they fit into Gawande’s topic? What kind of help does gawande offer and what is his goal for this type of coaching,

  4. Hannah B’s
    I like how you talk about your personal experiences and relate it back to the Ted talk. Once you give your example, explaining a little more in how it is connected to your life and the ted talk. I also liked how you introduced all of the ted talks in the beginning which it started off more broad and then you focused down into one of the speeches. One thing I would incorporate into the paper is more on the opposing sides when you bring them up. You acknowledge them and then just go away from it, I think as the reader it would be good to talk about why it may or may not work, or how it connects or does not connect with you.

    Grace S
    I like how you start off the paper not just introducing what you will be talking about right away but you lead into it. I also like how you connect back to highschool and show this is what it was back then and this is how it is now. The connections you make back to college are very well done and shows the not yet and yet system well. One thing I may try to add is a little more of how you feel and benefit from all the situations you do a great job of summarizing what is going on but maybe a little more of your perspective.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *