11 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 9-in-class

  1. In each draft i had an approach to start it out. I had an overview mindset of what I wanted to write about in each draft, and that was how my PLT was going to go. I had a plan. My first plan in draft 1 was to introduce Pollan and Singer. They will be brought up a lot during my PLT so it is good to introduce them, and introduce their ideas. My plan was to be building off their ideas and what they had to say, since that is what we talked a lot about during class. How these arguments work. Next, I introduced myself and how I felt in all of this. I brought up my point of view. Next I brought out examples from the passages.
    I brought out arguments Singer first gave out in his story and some of what Pollan had to say for it, but then again i used most of my opinion. I want to use most of my opinion and word because of what we have talked about a lot in class. We’ve talked a lot about boring writing and basic writing. People writing the same and just summarizing what other people have to say rather than bring their own voice out to be heard and make the paper more interesting. I want it to feel like i am talking to the person. The next thing i want to do is guide my reader to a smaller question. To have them think about one particular thing. And have them wonder. Then give more background on that. My conclusion will consist of the expansion of someone’s mentality. Hopefully I widened the reader’s view on the topic like it happened for me.

  2. Alex Smyth:
    When starting my assignment, I began with how I first got into the topic that was presented in front of me. I started to assess the situation of both Pollan and Singer’s views on the animal rights. Asking myself questions like, “Are their views justified,” or “Does either side of flaws in their claims.” Trying to figure out where I fall in the spectrum. As the draft began to progress, I started to assess Pollan’s writing style toward Singer and his views of this endless conversation in front of me. Providing details from both authors point of view on what seemed agreeable and disagreeable to my understanding of the situation.

    Once draft 2 had started, I had come up with my own idea of what seemed to be right. When Pollan put the idea of Joel Salatin, I had come up with the idea of using the animals in a mutualism relationship with the animal. Pollan even uses the idea of animal relationships and how humans provide protection compared to their previous ancestors. Even though Singer was still at a disagreement, seeing these farms as, “death camps.” Once my idea had been made, I had organized the structure of my draft of opening the readers skepticism when joining in the endless conversation as well as provide information from the article to start to structure the readers own opinion whether to agree or disagree with my thinking towards a solution or provide feedback for a better alternative.

    In my final draft, I used my own personal knowledge to evaluate my own ideas to the current situation. I’ve looked into some farming areas and the poor conditions that the animals live under. While some agree or disagree to them suffering, I still see this as a issue to not only the animals but to ourselves as well. With my major going into the field of medicine, their has been a certain idea of antibiotic-resistant bacteria and due to the poor living conditions and awful management, the farmers have simply used antibiotics in their food which has made this threat more common in us and the animals we are trying to protect. I’ve looked into a bigger picture of the farming industries to again develop my own idea and a new issue that should be, and has been, looked into, in this final essay.

  3. Alex Case
    In class Journal

    (Come up with ideas, Develop Ideas, Asses their own writing, Restructure, Rewrite, Add, Cut, Move, Clarify, Assess the writing situation)

    In my writing piece I Assessed my own writing, I did this by looking back into the Pollan’s piece and trying to incorporate his way of writing into the new writing structure that we are learning, trying to stay away from the five paragraph essay format.
    I developed ideas by using quotes from the Pollan essay and the arguments that were made by both Pollan and Scully’s point of views. I used the comparison of both in ways that I could talk about both while also using my own ideas.
    While writing this essay, there was for sure a lot of things that needed to be changed. For example the structure, I would naturally and instinctively want to go right back to the five paragraph essay format because that it what I was used to doing. I would have to go back and reread my work cut things out and then try to clarify my work from my story point of view. The example that I used when I was writing was instead of the five paragraph essay was if you are listening to two people arguing and you don’t know what they’re arguing about because you can’t hear them, if they walked in and asked what was going on you needed to be able to back up your argument with support.
    While writing Pollans essay and changing the structure it caused me to rewrite a lot of things with more evidence from the text to backup my work. I would reread my work and made sure I did not repeat something I had previously said. I would try to make sure I was getting the point across without making it run on.
    This is also assessing the writing situation in many ways. I say this about all of them because it all ties together into becoming the better writer we are striving to be. Going back and redoing the work or assessing it is crucial because no one’s first or even second draft is going to be perfect, not to say the third one will be perfect either but the more you go back make changes and try to perfect it and make sure al the key points are there the better that paper will be.

  4. Writing for anyone can be a challenging especially when you don’t know where to start. When I write I like to have a process that involves developing ideas, organizing my ideas into a paragraph sequence, asses my own writing, rethink and then rewrite. All these steps bring you closer to achieving your best final draft. It took me a long time to develop a system that worked for me and gave me the best product of writing. Writing can be the biggest struggle that students deal with but if your able to figure out what works best for your learning ability it can because every interesting and you’ll want to write more.
    When first brainstorming ideas you want to figure out what you want to say and what do you want the reader to know. To be able to write something interesting you needs to be curious about new ideas and have the flexibility to open new ideas of thinking that helps you to adapt to new circumstances. I first start off by writing some notes down on what I am writing about and then try to form a main idea. Your focus may change as you go along but as long as you have enough supporting evidence it’s not an issue.
    Once I find my focus I then move on to how I want to organize them into a sequenced that makes sense. Most people will use the 5 paragraph set up which isn’t a bad thing but it’s not something that works best for me and when you write with that format your following more of an outline than venturing into a creative sense of your writing. When using the 5 paragraph format you are restoring your work as a writer because your not able to write freely.
    Once you have everything organized and written out you want to assess what you wrote and see if it matches with what your focus is. Being able to perceive new ideas and to reflect upon them is a big part of writing. When your open to new ideas that will make your writing more creative and free flowing.
    Asessing what your wrote will then lead you to rethinking what your focus is and it may change. Rethinking give you the oppurtunity to change your focus and make sure you have everything to support that new focus. Once you figure out what your for sure wriuting about your able to rewrite it and get your final draft. Writing with a set process that works for you help you be a writer that wants to challenge themselves and see new ideas to writing.

  5. When I first began to begin my endless conversation into Pollan’s piece “An Animal’s Place”. I began with picking the passage that was most interesting to me. As I continued writing, coming up with ideas were kind of easy. I picked the three topics that were most interesting to me. My paper starting with having eye-contact with an animal, which lead into the lack of soul an animal has, and then lead into how some people do raise their animals with care.
    I began to organize my thoughts into paragraphs. When I first had the idea to use eye-contact with an animal has my first paragraph I thought this was the most important topic that could be carried out throughout my paper. I began each paragraph with a connection to Pollan’s piece. I later found out that I need to add more connections to Pollan’s piece without my paper to backup my information and to have that endless conversation.
    When I went to my tutoring session on Tuesday with Professor Drown we talked about how I was missing key paragraphs between paragraph one and two and paragraph two and three. We also talked about how I could add an ending to my paper that talks about how I now think about the topic of eating meat. Between each paragraph I need to go back and add information about transitioning into a new paragraph and how they connect with each other.
    Throughout this whole essay it has made me rethink my thoughts that I have been writing. Even though I do enjoy the taste of meat it is sad to kill these smart animals when they have done nothing to us. I never realized that writing a paper like this can make you rethink so much about what I person has said and their view on different things.
    I have to rewrite some of my paragraphs and add information that I first forgot about. When I reread my essay with Professor Drown, I found mistakes that I did not realize at first. When I was writing the essay I thought it sounded good without no matters. After walking away for a night I realized that I have grammar mistakes and needed to add more for the readers to understand.

  6. While writing my paper-like thing, I completed the five activities: assessing the situation, develop ideas, rethink, add, cut, and clarify. In order for me to begin the conversation I had to assess the situation, which started with asking the question whether or not it is ethical to eat meat. I had to read Pollan’s piece in order to understand the two main sources, Peter Singer and Joel Salatin’s opinion. Once I grasped and understood both of their thoughts on the topic I could assess the situation and being the introduction to my paper. Many of my paragraphs were very unorganized and not clearly stated. I had to rethink and move sentences that were in one paragraph and move it to another paragraph in order for my thoughts to make sense and for the reader to follow the flow and process that was occurring. I also had to add more thoughts and ideas into my paper. I noticed while I was writing I would quote too much and avoid putting my opinion in which needed to change so I went through certain sections and added my opinion onto the quote or I summarized the quote. In addition to adding words, I also had to cut some sentences and quotes out of my paper. In some sections I lacked putting in opinions but in others I explained too much into detail. I went through and cut out quotes that later rejected my thought further on in the paper, didn’t make sense, or were no longer necessary. I also cut some of my own opinions out. Finally I needed to clarify. Some of my thoughts at the beginning weren’t clear or I related opinions to topics that didn’t support that idea. I went through every opinion and every quote and reviewed if I needed to further explain or explain less to make it clear to the readers.

  7. 9-26-18

    Journal #9

    When starting this assignment I first had to come up with ideas to write about. Every paper starts with ideas because you need to have some clue of what you are writing about. What I did was I looked over all the material I was given and I looked over the assignment and what it was asking for. Then I went into my binder and started to write down some thoughts that I had. I started with how did I want to introduce my paper and what was the idea I wanted to start with. This was just a broad idea that I needed in order to get the ball rolling. In my binder I wrote down everything in the paper that I wanted to write about. This way I had all my thoughts in one place and I wasn’t guessing or lost on what to write.

    Once I had my ideas down and developed I go on this sort of mindless write. Here I don’t worry about paragraphs or breaking it down into sections. I just get everything i’m thinking out. Once I feel that I have everything I need then I go back and organize my paper into paragraphs and sequences. The reason I do this is so then I will have to reread my paper and start to think like a reader where does once idea end and a new one begin. Where do I switch the focus around and want to highlight something new. This just helps my thoughts because then I can see if something doesn’t sound right or if there are too many ideas that are jumbled or need to be changed.

    Now that I have my ideas and paragraphs complete then I go back and reread and rethink what I wrote. This is when I look at my ideas and what the paper was asking me wondering does my work complete this task. If something doesn’t or doesn’t make sense then I need to rethink how to explain that idea or concept. Sometimes it may not even be an idea at all. It could be did I carry a main overall theme throughout my writing? Did I provide enough information and my own thoughts to quotes I added to emphasize my work. Just thinking about all this I can go through my paper and see if I did these or if I need to do some more work to it.

    Sometimes I may need more information so then I need to go through my resources and find what I can add to enhance my writing more. Maybe I just need add more of my own voice. In a paper my voice is very important and I don’t want that to be tucked away or hidden because im trying to provide a lot of information too. Adding is an important step to making sure that i’m not missing anything that should be added. Also with that though cutting thoughts or ideas that don’t make sense or don’t help my paper is also an important too. I put these together because for me they do go together. I may cut something because I don’t like the way it sounds or doesn’t feel it’s important. Then I may add something else that I haven’t thought about before. Both of these tool complement each other and when I revise my work I like to use them together.

    Most importantly though I want to make sure that my ideas, thoughts, concerns are clear to the reader. Going through if something doesn’t make sense then I need to clarify that and make it understandable to the reader. Even if it makes sense in my mind I always want someone to go over my work because maybe it won’t make sense to them. No one will enjoy a paper if they don’t understand it and if you want someone to read it and enjoy it then you want them to know what you are trying to say. Also, I try not to be confusing and contradict myself. When I do that then i’m just confusing myself because then someone could be confused as to what my thoughts are and what i’m actually thinking. Clarifying is a big step so then I don’t confuse myself or others.

  8. In my third draft I introduced my idea about technology, and how it has made us turn our heads away from nature. I don’t really have a specific reason why I chose to introduce my idea then because I hadn’t really had any new ideas that weren’t said, but while I was writing it just came to me. In my second draft I evaluated and develop some of my ideas, to try to give the reader a better idea about which team I’m on. As I was reviewing my first draft for draft two, I felt like I should begin to dive into the content of my piece. I had to reread and evaluate to find a couple ideas that belonged in the wrong place, and to make sure I was leaving any important information out. I developed my ideas by rereading them and going back to the Pollan piece to find quotes that backed up my ideas. Also in my second draft, I organized the words into paragraphs because the intro began to keep into the meat of the conversation. It is also much easier for myself, and the reader to know when ideas expand more and start to transition into new ideas. In my second and third draft I would go back each time to add, cut, and fix any grammar mistakes I can find. I think this is good to do because it allows me to make sure I don’t have any huge run-ons, or too many “and’s”. It also allows me to come back and add a sentence or two that come to me while I’m rereading.

  9. There were definitely 5 aspect that I had used when writing my PLT with the article, An Animals Place and there were 5 that I believe that I used to help me create the PLT.
    1.
    The main thing that I had done was I had assessed my own work. How I had done that was I had gone back after I had written a paragraph and once finished I had gone back and reread what I had just wrote to make sure that it had made sense and that it seemed semi grammatically correct for this writing assignment. Also by assessing my work I would have my friend read some sentences that I felt did not seem right to get another persons perspective and thought. By spending time assessing my work I believe that my PLT had come out semi good, because I payed attention to the ideas that I had wanted to talk about.
    2.
    The other aspect that goes along with that was I had made small bold sentences at the end of paragraphs that said what to do when I came back to the essay. This would be coming up with ideas. Usually when I have an idea when writing an essay I will add a bold sentences or bullets to make sure that I hit that topic when I am going to work on my next draft.
    3.
    Within my PLT there were a lot of rewriting and I believe by me rewriting some sentences and paragraphs that I had made my essay semi better for the fact that I had made a rough rough draft with the big idea for each paragraph and then I had gone back rewrote the main idea and made sure that the words had flowed good with one another.

    4.
    Within my PLT there was a lot of cutting and moving of quotes and ideas within paragraphs. What I had done was I had made the basic draft and then I reread it all over and realized that what I had typed in certain paragraphs and where I had placed some quotes did not make sense so I had cut them from their original spot and moved them to the spot that had made much more sense. There were points that I had made within the PLT that I had felt that did not help the point I was trying to convey so I had to remove them from the essay.

    5.
    The other aspect that I had used was restructure. What I mean by restructure is the fact that I had completely reshaped my essay. What I had done was I had moved certain paragraphs and quotes and changed the whole idea of what I was writing or trying to portray across to the reader of my essay.

  10. Journal 9

    In draft one I assess the writing situation in my first paragraph so I could give the reader a sense of what going on. To give the reader an insight on what the topic is on and think about how I am going to about the situation.
    In draft three I tried to evaluate ideas such as the Polyface farms. In the third paragraph I wanted to explain more of what leads pollan to this answer and then why I think this is important.
    In draft two I mainly focus on adding quotes. In the second, third, and last paragraphs is where I felt quotes were needed. I wanted to give my reader an understanding on why I say certain things. These quotes are just for insurance so if the reader doesn’t want to hear something from me maybe they’d rather hear it from someone else.
    In draft three I try to really clarify my point of view on the topic. I do this in the second and last paragraph. In the second paragraph I wanted to clarify how I felt about the topic. In the last paragraph I clarified who I mainly agree with also there are time when I do disagree with something throughout the paper.
    In draft three I try to cut out some quotes and other ideas that I thought were irrelevant to the topic. In paragraph two I should have cut out the first sentence because I feel as though that all of that quote shouldn’t have been used.

  11. On page 69, i found the quotation interesting. However, without the explaniation on each move by the writer in the next page, i dont know there is that much of writing move it. Its really impressive. Also at page 72. It talks about,as a writer, we should use i “fairly liberally” in order to differentiate our personal views from the views of others. According to my previous writing experience. I have been told not to use“I”as often as we should, because my high school teachers want us to be objective and all that, but after reading this chapter, i know that without first person in my writing. People may get confused on who is saying what when we are introducing other people’s idea.

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